i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
