this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
