Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
