Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
