Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
