Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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