you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
