You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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