dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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