she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
