she was so not down for the gang bang
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
