I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
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Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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