remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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