As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
