Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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