Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
