That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
