I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
