Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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