genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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