Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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