We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
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I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part