I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
two words...techno handjob
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost