But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
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My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
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You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.