I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not