If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
