the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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