one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
