From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
