my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
