part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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