new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
