Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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