it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
