I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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