do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
