Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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