Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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