I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
