Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
