we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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