Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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