Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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