Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
