Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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