Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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