I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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