she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Its about making memories worth repressing
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
