either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
bring money and cleavage
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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