You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
