Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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