I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
