Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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