sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
someone owes me an orgasm
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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