just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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