I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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