why didn't you poke me back
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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