i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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