We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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