My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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