Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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