what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
