I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
