Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
