I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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