So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
