What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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