I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
