I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
